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Getting Married, Staying Married

By: Carmela King

My husband was 25 and I was 20 years of age it's enough to make you want to take a walk down the aisle with our baby 7 months old bumped between us. Who would have thought that we'd end up 5 kids and 18 years later still together? Alas! My husband and I not have been married a very long time like other people. Along the way, we discovered some common concepts or keys that across marriages we have known to be successful - think, 30, 40, 50 years. Let me allow sharing them with you.

You need to ask yourself: "Is this the person you want to walk on the beach with when your hands are wrinkled and you walk slowly." A young boy and girl dressed in white wedding attire strolling down the church isles to a wedding arch. People thought we were doomed. Who would imagine that we we'd end up to 5 kids and 18 years later we are still together. The path to greater wealth may start with making a commitment--of the romantic kind. My husband and I may not have been married as long as others but, along the way, we discovered that there are some common concepts that cut across marriages we have known to be successful-think of it about 30's,40's or 50's. The relationship has to be based on mutual respect, common purpose, and trust. Both parties need to identify what they want out of life and then continue that dialogue throughout their marriage. It doesn't take that much time, but it does take focus, and patience.

Know yourself more, being aware of the issues and, more than that, realistically confronting and surmounting them: it can help make a better you and a better spouse. Experiences that will help you evolve and expose yourself. Develop your self-esteem; imbibe a strong sense of self. Happy individuals and learn from them it would help you to consult the most mature. You can discover that growth is continuous that they've picked some important things along the way that make them what they really are. So it can be the best one can do is approximate them in internally and be content.

2. Love is a decision and a DOING WORD. This thing can attract men plus women. "Love is not a feeling. It's a decision" Steven Coveys says: Love is a DOING word. It requires choices. It actually combines the two present aspect of what it means to really LOVE.

Love as a decision. It is a statement that reminds couples to love the person, not the behavior. This situation can attract men plus women too. It means that LOVE is commitment that you made with your full, whole consciousness as a mature, self-actualized human being.

Love is a doing word. Feeling it and showing it are two different things. It requires commitment. It sometimes hurts and doesn't feel so good. But what does the world know of the kind of love that the Bible defines anyway? It's in the First Letter to the Corinthians, Chapter 13.

3. Communicate, communicate and communicate. Continue to communicate. People have a misconception of what communication is. They think that it's simply talking. After a few years, it's easy to fall into everyday routine. Staying connected takes effort from both sides. That is the first you need to do. In marriage to work, it would always advise in a couple to talk everything. It could be empty talk, just for companionship, it could also be philosophical talk, about one's insights and discovered wisdom. Whatever it is, talk. And while you're at it, respect each other's point of view.

The second part of the communication cycle is listening. It is more important than the first. When you truly listen, you hear both what is being said. You learn to pick up cues verbal and non-verbal communication. From this you may hear the inner sense and begin to use comprehension and understanding.

Listening. Strong family members realize that communication involves two steps; talking and listening. They avoid the trap of focusing on talk to the exclusion of listen. Listening strengthens the relationship between folks by conveying messages of caring and respect. Strong families increase their understanding of each other by being good, active listeners...active listeners notice facial expression, body posture, and voice tone as well as words.

4. It's not Me, it's WE. Many couples fail to realize that once they enter a relationship, they are no longer just two individuals. Take matters seriously. If your partner brings up a concern he or she has, take it seriously. Do not brush it off as meaningless. If it is a concern for them, it needs to be worked out, so help support them in that matter. If you do not take it in earnest, they will not take you seriously and communicating will cease to exist

These are other tips and guidelines couples can learn from to improve their marriages but I find that these four (4) will serve them well through the years. Finally, it is the most important things I have learned.

Article Source: http://articlebob.com

Carmela King is a team member of SaveMyMarriageToday.com. She and her husband is just one of the many couples who almost got divorced. The lessons taught by the site help them during their marriage crisis and this prompted her to join their team. She's now spreading the word to help other couples who are in the same situation.

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